it is that time of year again. any mother of a "normal" student doesn't really think much of the first 6-9 weeks of school, but for a mama with a child with special needs the first weeks that pass with school means the IEP meeting is closing in.
when libby claire started school i had no idea what to expect. it was with her doctors pushing us to put her in preschool that we did. that was so she would be challenged and influenced by her peers. typically developing preschool aged kids. so we did. each day was hard to let her be under the supervision of teachers, other adults, anyone other that matt or myself. but we did it, and she thrived.
then it came time for the pre-k testing. knowing libby claire's speech needs and disability i knew she would be able to go to the school for the 4 year old program. again, it was a huge step letting her go to "big school." we did it, she thrived.
although libby claire did not meet many of her goals on her IEP last year we conquered many things. matt & i let go a little. she had the chance to ride the bus home, go through the cafeteria lunch line and be emerged in a normal daily life of a child her age. we left last year with the thoughts of a challenging kindergarten year ahead. and here we are~
i don't know how to put into words my feelings. i want so badly for libby claire to be a normal student. for her to learn just like everyone else. for me not to have to remind her she is no longer two years old, for her brain to make connections that it should. i want so badly not to have to worry about more surgeries, side effects of kryptonite, TBI, cranioplasty, blood born cancers due to radiation over-exposure, but i worry. i want her to know that when you ask her where to heat up something her brain knows to tell you the oven, and that everyday she can say her ABC's not just on the good days. i want her to color in the lines of a coloring book, learn the sight words for the week. know that a stranger is indeed a stranger, 11 comes after 10, and develop like my typically developing children. finn is passing many milestones before his older sister. it's hard.
but the reality is libby claire is not typical or normal. she truly is a one case scenario. there are no case studies, facts, children that have gone before her, stats or any medical journals. it is just her, the miracle. i am reminding myself of that today. she was never created to be normal or typical. He created her, He healed her, He redeemed her and He will restore her.
i trust in Him when my days look unsurmountable, when i just wish for normal, i remind myself of the miracle.
she will learn things that i think are normal in her timing, she may never color in the lines, i might have to always remind her how old she is, and i will always worry. but she will thrive!
and to all the mamas that ended up crying in your child's IEP meeting too...your precious one will thrive also!