Tuesday, November 17, 2009

get up!

happy 2nd birthday libby claire! we celebrated the big day on saturday. we wanted to thank everyone for the outpouring of love and support and also had major reason to eat good food & amazing cake. we had planned that this would be a closure party of sorts. that we had finally reached the finish line. the only thing left was a few doctor visits, therapy, & looking toward the 1 year mark post injury. all that changed on thursday. we called dr.mclanahan's office earlier in the week because we noticed over the last 3 or 4 weeks her bone was feeling a little like swiss cheese & on the fractured part was really squishy. her squishy noodle was coming back. sadly the PA & doctor told us she was having bone resorption. we knew that it could happen. it was one of those complications on the mile long list. dr.mclanahan is referring us to dr.matthews again. he assisted in her 2nd surgery. we will see him this thursday at 2:30. i love him but never wanted to see him this soon. he is the pediatric sub-boney cranio-facial plastic surgeon (i think i got it right) basically very specialized. all we can gather is that he will start her on a major supplementation of vit D & calcium. to help regenerate the bone that is being lost. the dreaded word surgery...bone grafting???? will they take from her hip???pain??? i don't want anyone looking at the inside of her little head again. the whole process feels as though it is starting over.
saturday was meant to be a joyful, carefree, celebration. not one of anxiety, & the out of control feelings we were so used to. it had been so normal for a few weeks, we had moved on. it was wonderful & we certainly were very excited to celebrate libs turning 2 & honor all who had prayed for us. matt & i had a few rough days after thursday. the stress seeped back in, the lump in our throats was in place, worry began to weigh us down, the familiar teary eyed look, the face of dread was back. on top of it all matt gets sick that saturday night...the swine flu. he started tamiflu on sunday & we have not seen him since. he has been quarantined on the 3rd floor for days.
i took libby claire for her 2 year well check up this morning. she is doing great in spite of the last 4 months she has been through. on the way home she was crying in the carseat, tired of getting shots & being in & out of so many doctors offices, i am sure. i am famous for saying " suck it up!" that is what you have to do sometimes. i have sucked it up through sickness, pain, fear, pregnancy, motherhood, disappointment, marriage, burning the toast again, friendships, being thrown up on (more than a few times), school, cleaning, midnight bad dreams, red mud on new carpet, the list will go on and on.
i have felt defeated, beaten down, lost, let go in the valley again since thursday. it was not me saying "suck it up" it was God. i knew that very well. i thought of the healing at the pool, where there was this old man sitting for 30 years by the water to be healed. just as the waters are stirred he can't get up fast enough to get in before someone else jumps in ahead of him. wow, do i feel that way right now or what? i can relate so well to him. then Jesus walks by & asks him, almost annoyed "what are you doing? do you want to get well?" i would have said "duh" to Jesus if i were that guy. then all Jesus does is say "get up! pick up your mat & walk." (john 5:8) the man is healed & walks away after 30 years of waiting. the same as "suck it up," he says "get up!"
there it is, never far away...i have felt such pity for a few days & God just said "suck it up" to me. my own words needed to be said back to me.
i ask that you petition our Lord on behalf of our precious libby claire again. pray for her bone resorption to stop & regeneration to begin. pray for dr. matthews, pray for her mama & daddy as we again face the giants of this injury. we find ourselves again crying out, in the low valley, cast into the wilderness, far from home, sitting & waiting by the pool.
"SUCK IT UP" or as my Jesus has said " GET UP! PICK UP YOUR MAT & WALK!"
i plan to do just that.

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