Wednesday, October 14, 2009

just be




we went to the mountains this weekend with our lifegroup. what a place of God. i can see His works in the rolling hills, autumn leaves, crisp air, peaks & valleys...it is truly a gift to just see fall making its way south. i have so much i thought of over the 4 days we were there. the changing of leaves & how i felt they symbolized us over our 3 month journey... now only to fall from the tree & bud out again in spring, fresh & new or the glory & majesty of the mountains or my peaks & valleys lately, but i know i need to write about a simple thing that is never simple.

psalm 46:10
"be still & know that i am God."

while eating lunch out with the ladies in our group one said she was challenged to break down this verse & live it...be it.
first, I AM GOD. He is. i am still awestruck that He knows my name, considers me His child, & worthy to be so. the creator of all, it sometimes is so big i can't even understand or imagine how i could be given such a gift. His son...for me...on a daily basis...what makes me worthy. i really have to just accept this one, it is that simple. with it vastness it is simple...HE IS.
second, KNOW THAT I AM GOD. i do know. i have come to Christ as a lowly sinner, prayed for salvation & He rescued me from myself. i have committed my life to something bigger & better. i know the fullness of joy & even the deepest pain but i am never alone. when you KNOW who He is yous don't suddenly see it all with rose colored glasses on or know you will never have a bad day but it is altering in a way that surpasses all. better that those glasses. to KNOW & to be KNOWN...isn't that we all want. i do KNOW.
third, BE STILL. i could write for days on this one. what a challenge for me. i am so antsy, a do"er", craft junkie, camera obsessed, sewing addict, loving & adoring wife, martha stewart want a be, organizer freak, OCD cleaner, mother of 4 (& expecting again),who wants it all done the right way...my way. how in the world can i BE STILL? i have always been the one to fill the silence. talk, joke, laugh or get something done. i never sit, never have, never will, i do. that is who i am. it was in the silence & the stillness of july that He came to me. i was enveloped by His wings. He whispered His promises to me. He was there & i was still. there is no way i can describe how that felt or would even be able to try. it was in complete stillness that i could let Him be who He is. not in the craziness of everyday, or listening to some sermon (sorry honey) it was when i let it all go, had nothing else but just to BE STILL. when i called upon Him He would be there. i had never experienced my faith this way. so personal, so real. the Savior was right there. in me, through me...so real. in the silence & stillness i prayed to touch the hem of His garment...for our libby claire. i begged for healing, pleaded for things to be different. but when i was STILL i knew, He was there & always had been.
and last, BE. just BE. i don't know if that sounds impossible to you but it does me. i long for that feeling again. never the pain, fear, exhaustion, of our trial but the closeness to our Father that matt & i had. i have to just BE now & that is when He comes. i look forward to the stillness & know that i need to just BE. it is in those moments i can hear Him again. i can feel that feeling of the warm, tingly blanket wrapped around me. end of your rope, rock bottom, desperate times call for desperate measures...we have been there. in our desperation we turned to the One. He has never failed us, only picked us up & carried us. i crave that all day & hope the same for you. BE just BE.
we made memories in the mountains. maggie gets terribly car sick, which makes a mountain trip even more fun, mac & beau seem to need duct tape put down the middle of the seat because someone always has there hands or feet on "my side." libby claire bores easily with the box of toys we pack & never seems to get a full nap while we travel. a lamp caught on fire, a huge bass was caught, board games played, lots of food eaten, sleepy cold morning fires, the delight of a fall festival, a tire blow out, no cell phone service, caramel apples, watching the leaves change, a beautiful rainbow, we made memories. between the laughs & conversations i realized that this is life. He gave me life & i am made to BE it. enjoy it, know that HE IS GOD.

"be still & know that I am God."

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