Wednesday, September 30, 2009

little finn


james finley mcgarity
"finn"
i got to see our newest little one again today. i fall deeper & deeper in love with him as my baby belly grows, he kicks, & i get to peak at his beautiful profile, feet & hands.
i have been once again totally consumed, stressed, fearful about one of our children. a month ago during an ultrasound they noticed a "grey spot" in the left ventricle of our baby's heart. we were sent upstairs to a specialist. the doctor did a through, high tech ultra-sound & assured us that though it is a "marker" for chromosomal disorder or disease that we should treat this as a healthy pregnancy. i felt as i had been punched in the stomach again. there could be something wrong, that is a "marker." how could i handle 2 sick & injured babies? my head spun as we left the doctors office that day. we debated on if we should be open about this issue or just have faith & wait & see. well, our appointment was this morning & dr. palermo reassured me & even offered to do an amniocentesis. but, felt that i would be putting a healthy pregnancy at risk. she did order another ultrasound & my special lady, joyce, checked him out. immediately she zoomed in on his heart...it is perfectly fine. NO GREY SPOT! perfect beating, 4 chamber heart.
unreal...should i be surprised?
i felt that a month ago when we got the news, could this dark cloud hang any lower? is God really going to make us go through this? why?
i know it was to further his faithfulness. i have struggled with trust & faith for the past few weeks. i began to question for the first time, why? why again? another baby hurting?
well, He is faithful. proves it everyday, not needed to. mighty to save! i know that full well!
this is our finn's baby verse-
psalm 139:14
i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, i know that full well.

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